Did you know the number of Rapes and Sexual assaults for the year 205 was 188,960? (according to the government's Bureau of Justice Statistics) ( http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/cvus/number_of783.htm ).
I know someone who was raped recently and it breaks my heart to know she's going through torment over it. She's been spiritually, emotionally and physically wounded. There's nothing I can do or say to make it go away and there's nothing I can do or say to make her feel "RIGHT" again. I know she's feeling guilty and ashamed. I know she hates to talk about it and she wishes it would somehow all go away. Her self-esteem has been taken away and she feels humiliated and violated. This young lady is the survivor of a previous sexual assault (as a child). So, I know recovery may be much more difficult and I greatly appreciate your prayers for her and her family.
God knows who she is.
She's a Christian and she understands that bad things happen to Christians but her problem is in thinking she deserved this because she believes it's a punishment from God for wrong decisions she's made. Self blame is a serious barrier to healing because feeling shame and guilt produces serious, negative, psychological effects. I pray she will direct all her negative feelings toward the assailant and away from herself!
Because of this happening to someone I love, I want to give you what information I can from human "experts" and then give you Biblical doctrine to stand on when faced with any trauma like this. This information will help you be better equipped to understand the "radical" reactions and unsound reasoning of the person it happens to.
First of all, the psychologist I've read (and what I studied in college) say the person will go through different stages of grief, anger and guilt. These stages of out-of-control emotions happen to anyone who suffers a tragedy. Each person will have these emotions at different times and each stage of their healing process will be different from others because we are all unique in our personalities and backgrounds.
Since rape is a painful, shocking experience it causes the person to want to retreat from the world and they may try their best to make it go away (like not talking about it, not wanting to leave their home and not wanting to press charges against the rapist). The rape victim feels violated and fearful and may become depressed—even suicidal. The victim struggles with feelings like their loss of control and may have changes in appetite, sleep habits or social functions.
Sometimes the rape victim may seem agitated or hysterical or may appear totally calm (still in shock - which could last a long time). The victim may have difficulty concentrating, making decisions, and dolling simple, everyday tasks. She/he have crying spells, anxiety attacks or show little emotion. The victim may even have poor recall of the rape or other memories. Remember, any response they have is not inappropriate, so don't ever try to tell the person not to feel they way they do (they can't help the way they feel!).
Listen, a victim of rape has been forced to endure a violent, traumatizing experience beyond their control to prevent. In addition to the psychological and physical injuries, the victim is often humiliated and degraded in their dealings with the criminal justice system. They are required to reveal and repeat every painful detail to police officers and investigators; leaving them feeling exposed, embarrassed, humiliated and frightened. The victim is traumatized again when they have to undergo the needed evidence-collection-examination, which is sometimes known as a "rape kit" at a hospital. Therefore, we need to consider these things as we try to help someone who's been a victim of rape.
Here is a great page to do research on rape and the aftermath of it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Effects_of_rape_and_aftermath
I realize some of you will not go to this page (because we are so bombarded with the "check out this page" syndrome), so I'm posting something from the page about what I believe is a very important thing for us to know:
"It has been proposed that one cause of victim blaming is the just world hypothesis. People who believe that the world is intrinsically fair may find it difficult or impossible to accept a situation in which a person is badly hurt for no reason. This leads to a sense that victims must have done something to deserve their fate. Another theory entails the psychological need to protect one's own sense of invulnerability, which can inspire people to believe that rape only happens to those who provoke the assault. Believers use this as a way to feel safer: If one avoids the behaviors of the past victims, one will be less vulnerable. A global survey of attitudes toward sexual violence by the Global Forum for Health Research shows that victim-blaming concepts are at least partially accepted in many countries. Many of the countries in which victim blaming is more common are those in which there is a significant social divide between the freedoms and status afforded to men and women."
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I've given you good information about how the rape victim may feel and act so now let's see what God's Word has to say to us about how to Biblically deal with any trauma.
First and foremost, here's what you can say to a person who is suffering from a tragedy...
"I may not understand what you're feeling but I want you to know if you ever need me I'm here for you." The victim needs to know you love them and care about what has happened (they need empathy along with sympathy). Just being there - perhaps not saying anything - perhaps doing some little something like buying flowers, or a nice card can make a big difference in helping them cope (as they try to process all the different components of the traumatic experience). Having a strong system of friends and family for emotional support can mean a world of difference. So, try to be one who will make a difference for the victim coping with trauma.
We know the "whole world is groaning and travailing together in pain" (Romans 8:21, 22), this pain is universal, affecting all men and women and children everywhere. God did not create the world this way, and one day will set all things right again. In that day, "God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain" (Revelation 21:4). The Lord Jesus Christ, who was the only truly "innocent" and "righteous" man in all history, nevertheless, has suffered more than anyone else who ever lived.
Heb 12:2 - 3 "We must keep our eyes on Jesus, who leads us and makes our faith complete. He endured the shame of being nailed to a cross, because he knew that later on he would be glad he did. Now he is seated at the right side of God's throne! So keep your mind on Jesus, who put up with many insults from sinners. Then you won't get discouraged and give up."
The sufferings of Christians should always be the means of developing a stronger dependence on God and a more Christ-like character।
God is loving and merciful even when, "for the present," He allows trials and sufferings to come in our lives. “For we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).
"By itself suffering does no good. But when we see it as the thing between God and us, it has meaning. Wedged in the crux—the cross—suffering becomes a transaction. The cross is a place of transaction. It is the place where power happens between God and us." —Joni Eareckson Tada in "When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty"
"The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." (Ps 9.9-10)
No one has suffered more than our Father in heaven. No one has paid more dearly for the allowance of sin into the world. No one has so continuously grieved over the pain of a race gone bad. No one has suffered like the One who paid for our sin in the crucified body of His own Son. No one has suffered more than the One who, when He stretched out His arms and died, showed us how much He loved us. It is this God who, in drawing us to Himself, asks us to trust Him when we are suffering and when our own loved ones cry out in our presence (I Peter 2:21; 3:18; 4:1). —RBC's "Our Daily Bread"
"For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
"Frequently it is when we are crushed and devastated that the cross speaks most powerfully to us. The wounds of Christ then become Christ's credentials. The world mocks, but we are assured of God's love by Christ's wounds." —D. A. Carson in "How Long, O Lord?"
We know that God can always protect everyone। We know that He has sometimes protected many. We also know that He will often protect some. We know too that God is sovereign and wise, not always choosing to do all of that which He is able to do.
God is able and willing to protect us except that God in His love and wisdom may allow our suffering a horrible tragedy for our ultimate good. We can only explain the tragedies we encounter in the context of the whole counsel of God's Word -- which includes the account of Jesus' death, the story of Paul's thorn in the flesh, and the description of Stephen's martyrdom.
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God says in the book of Peter that He, “cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7) God loves you! The Bible also says we should cast all of our anxiety, cares and concerns on God। So, instead of turning away from God when bad things happen, why not ask Him to help you get through the horrible situation?
My friends, Jesus is coming soon, and I cry from the depths of my heart, “Maranatha!” Come quickly, Lord Jesus!
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"The Lord bless thee, and, keep thee. The Lord make his face to shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee. The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee and give thee peace " ~ Numbers 6:24-26.
In His tender care always,
Dot
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